Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The Olympian is in my bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
