He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I smell stomach acid.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
