One blow job doesn not make me gay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
