Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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