He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
