i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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