How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
