lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am one with the molecules
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
