Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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