the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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