just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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