I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
