She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
