the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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