A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize