AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
