dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
