did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
