She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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