Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize