just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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