He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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