I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
