Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize