Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
