All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
