My underwear smells like fireworks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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