i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
