Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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