One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
vagina is talking i cant
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
