dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
