i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
