Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
