Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
