I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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