Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
