I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
