Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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