How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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