If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
