the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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