when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
