i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
