i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
