I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
