Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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