Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
