I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
