Sry I called you an 8
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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