this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
