so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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