we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize