Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
