Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
