Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
