He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
