just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize