mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
