I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
