oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
