Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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