Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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