ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
