using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
