So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
