I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
