apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize