Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
