Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
