First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize