Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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