she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
