adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
