i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone came in the potted fern
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
