i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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