im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
