Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
