Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
