I cockslap morals
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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