i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
