I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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