4 words: hood of his car
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
