New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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