I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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