Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
