She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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