he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
