You're my little dorito
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
