I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
