so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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