I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
