I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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