Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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