She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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