I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
